Esmerelda And The Vampire

In the interest of alternating between serious deep issues and their polar opposites (well, I AM bipolar, after all) I'm posting this bit that I found while cleaning up the other day. I can't remember when I wrote this, but it was some years back...it's not a song, and not a poem really either. A bit of doggerel perhaps, but appropriate for the upcoming Halloween season. Vampires have been done to death, but they hadn't been when I put this down, so there, hah.

ESMERELDA AND THE VAMPIRE

Her full name was Esmerelda La Conchita De La Crown

And she was the most beautiful girl in parts ‘round here, hands down

When she walked by the boys and men and everyone would stare

And it was generally agreed, “She’s fairest of the fair”

Her lover’s name was Sandor, no last name was ever known

And Esmerelda loved him as a poet loves a poem

No one ever doubted that they were the perfect pair

When people saw their flashing eyes and long black wavy hair

The trouble all began when Sandor just dropped out of sight

And Esmerelda cried for him from dusk until the light

Until one night she heard a tapping at her windowpane

She looked outside and saw at last...Sandor What’s-His-Name.

“Dear Sandor, I can see that you’ve become a Vampire now”

“Well, actually, I have, but Baby, how did you guess, how?”

“You’re tapping on my window in the middle of the night...

And, well, I have no balcony, and I live up three flights.”

“My dearest Esmerelda, come and fly away with me

I’ll give your neck a nip and then a Vampire you shall be!”

“Well actually, my Sandor, that does sound pretty nice,

But then we’d have to kill folks, and we’d both be cold as ice.”

“But Honey, if you leave me then my Vampire heart will break

You might as well just finish the job, and through it drive a stake!”

“Oh, Sandor, you will always be my sweetheart Vampire man

But don’t despair, my clever brain has hatched a clever plan!”

Now San and Esmerelda run a Blood Bank in St. Clair

And if a pint goes missing no one either knows or cares

They come home to a heated casket big enough for two

And since they’re Vampires now, they’re probably happier than you