I STILL can't get this cat off my lap!!

I STILL can't get this cat off of my lap!! Oh well. There are worse fates than having little beings that think you are great hanging out with you. And it's pretty easy to make them very happy. Not a bad thing. Although when they're all growling at each other around midnight, I often think of making them into a coat. Or a series of hats.

I once again, through the press of busy work and Dad tending, have let the blog slip into disrepair. All I can say is, if you could see the state of the office (and no, I'm not taking a picture) you'd realize that the blog itself looks just fine. A lot of it is also of course the function of depression. I've had that going on a long time at a low level, like walking pneumonia. I can get up and get things done, but only that which I really need to...everything else just has to slide for a while. Unfortunately, with the office it's slid pretty far. As I seem to be on an upswing right now, I'll have to straighten out things while I can...and it should actually make me feel a bit better, too.

Cyn and I had a good Christmastime, against the odds too, this year. I managed to help Dad shop (he loved going out and rambling around stores for hours) and packed his presents...got the tree, hung the wreaths, cooked the dinner, poured the wine. We all seemed to have a reasonably good time! My brothers were both there and in good moods, and we made it through the day in a fairly festive manner, considering everything.

This first Xmas without my Mom was certainly the hardest, I'll admit. There's a huge hole in our family now, one that can't be filled. I spoke of her in a toast yesterday, but I don't know if anyone else would have mentioned what we were all feeling otherwise, which I find strange. But I know I'm a different kind of person than my brothers. Not that any of our feelings are less deep, but mine seem closer to the outside, as if my skin were too thin sometimes. I'm finding that grief is different than I anticipated it to be...somehow I thought I'd have a total breakdown, and then slowly recover. Now I'm seeing myself cruising along, apparently OK, and then bursting into tears when some trigger of memory or emotion hits me, at random times. Then it passes, a bit. Then later, something else sets it off. One thing I know I've inherited from Ma is a very emotional nature. Yeah, I know, not very manly, but such is life and the cards we are given. I'm proud to be her son, and happy to have any part of her character in me as well. I miss her more than I can possibly say.

After the Christmas dinner Cyn and I went to my friend Dave's place. He's battling cancer and just got out of the hospital yesterday (Christmas Day!). Still weak from the disease and the chemo, he was happy to see us...Cyn helped and fixed him up some food, since he didn't feel able to manage that himself, and we brought a pie, which I think he appreciated. He's fighting this as hard as he can, and I hope all goes well with him. After losing two good friends in two years (not including my Mom) I am somewhat alarmed when someone's as sick as this. We'll be over as much as we can, to lend moral support and more pie.

And in the meantime I have a tour to get ready for!! I'm out with Mike Katon again next month, rushing around all over the UK, Western Europe and Scandinavia. What a gas!! I haven't been working with Katon, with the exception of a few local gigs last year, in over a decade. I guess I better re-learn those tunes, huh? Actually, since last time I think he's done at least 4 new albums, so a lot of new tunes too. I really want to be as good as I can for this tour, and I've been getting started with an intensive practice and listening regime to get his material down. I find with music that there's several different levels of familiarity with a composition...there's the initial learning of it, and then the finding of little variations, alternate fingerings, etc., that give you more freedom...and then there's the taking it apart and observing it from all different angles, reshaping it, understanding it on a much different and more complete level, that allows you to REALLY play it. That's where I need to be!! I'm working on it. And music aside, I have to be physically ready for the rigors of the road. Christmas is over...I'm back to the gym, and a healthier diet (I really enjoyed the cookies and the Bailey's, but it's time for a change), and my yoga and meditation as well. I'm looking forward to it!! It should be a positive experience...and I'm currently collecting as many of those as I can.