The Mirror

Last night, in the mirror, I saw the devil.
I tried to stare him down, but my eyes fell,
Avoiding the level gaze of that prince of evil
Where he left off and I began I could not tell.

- William David Perkins

I started this post with a poem by my Dad, which seems to relate to some of my feelings recently. It's been a long time since I've done any writing really, certainly since my last blog. I think a lot of it's because for me writing is a way to see into myself, a mirror if you will, and lately I haven't wanted to look in that mirror too much. Many of my deeper feelings have been so dark that I haven't wanted to fess up to them, even to me. Maybe especially to me. Staring into the glass...man, I don't know...I don't know if I want to see what I've become.

A lot of this is of course colored by my ongoing work helping to take care of my folks, and the continuing frustration and despair as I watch those good souls struggling to keep their lives together against the various slings and arrows shot them by time and entropy. Some of it is related to Cyn and I, and our struggles with life and finance and our difficult lifestyle choices...and some of it is just me fighting my many personal demons. Hey, I'm a bucket of fun, eh? But some days are harder than others, and it seems like I've just had a few months of 'em all together.

All bathos aside, it seems like I'm turning another corner. I've been writing again, and actually spending time in the studio (I literally had to dust off the console!), and playing music for fun a lot more. That last has been really important, and I have to thank my friends who've been playing with me for getting me back into it again. Playing music just to play is something I haven't been doing in a long time.

So am I really ready to look in the mirror again? Hell, I don't know. Will I see Satan there staring back at me? Most probably, along with other faces I'm probably gonna be uncomfortable with. But at least there's signs of life in my reflection...and perhaps another and better world on the other side of the glass.