10/3/14
– Ill last night, and slept over 13 hours. Better now. It’s gray and rainy
outside, that part of Fall that makes me so reflective…where do these falling
leaves go? The cycles keep repeating, but seemingly faster and faster. The past
is misty to me, my brain can’t keep all my lifetimes remembered clearly now…how
many faces have I worn while in this body? And what, if anything, have I
learned? Have I done enough good to be worthwhile here? And what do I do now? So
many questions, and who to ask them of…I just don’t know. The path is covered
with leaves, I can’t see where I’m going.
I
know that I’ve had some kind of an evolution in my life, but in so many ways I
feel just like that kid I was down by the river at the Arboretum, out with my
parents on a Saturday for a walk and a picnic, looking into the river and
wondering where it came from and where it was traveling. Now, my Mom is down
that river, around the bend, far from my sight. And my Dad is headed that way
too, and so I suppose am I. All the scenes since that time, all the various
parts I’ve played in life’s little movies, it’s all been so fascinating and
beautiful, so heartbreaking, so strange. And I’m closer to where they roll the
credits than before, but I don’t know if I’m any wiser about the plot than I
was. And I’m still not sure about the writer and the director…if I get a
chance, I’d like to talk to them a bit. I’ve got some questions about the
story.
